im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
These tits shall not be calmed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
