He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
