So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize