fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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