dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize