Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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