What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
