My pussy is not your playground.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
