just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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