Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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