Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I deserve this hangover.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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