Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
