Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
