It's Friday. Sex?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
