we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
