my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
