Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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