so that wasnt chicken after all
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
