I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
