there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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