I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
