We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
