i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
