My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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