so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
