hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
