all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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