I want to walk on stilts...naked
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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