Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
