you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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