don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
