I am puke
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
