i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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