i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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