This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
