i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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