I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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