He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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