Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
