I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fuck appropriateness.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
