yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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