Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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