just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
