You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize