My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
