I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
