I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my shit smells like andre
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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