I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she peed on how many people?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize