She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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