true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
