i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize