I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think i have two assholes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
