We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
