you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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