He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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