Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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