Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
