my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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