I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
