I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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