i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
birth control should be required to get into college
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
