im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I enjoy the company of your penis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
