Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
