I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
