I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
