8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
