it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
