can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
