does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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