im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
