should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
