tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
