Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
