I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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