your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
