Already got asked if we're dating
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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