That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
