glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
