how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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