sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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