We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
