Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
