When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
