I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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