i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
