How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
