I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
third nipple confirmed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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