Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
