I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am one with the molecules
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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